if they knew what they where fighting for would they still fight for it

Have you ever had one of those talks with someone that when you walk away from it it changes your relationship with that person forever. I had one of those talks yesterday with a roommate and I find myself telling myself if she knew what she was fighting for she wouldn’t be fighting for it. On a lot of levels I would think she would know better because she is a transwomen but somehow she seems not to have gained any insight form that. We got into talking about cocks and transguys which is somewhere I didn’t want to go, not with her. She started talking about what a transguy grows below the belt and what she thinks it’s genetically equal to and how it can’t be called a cock because it’s not the same and how we can only call it a head of a cock because it doesn’t have all the parts that a bio-guys does. Her argument went on for sometime including what she thought of guys that got bottom surgery and she tossed our front holes into the talk as well. Something in me broke during this talk and wanted to yell out. I tried to get her to see how hurtful she was being by trying to get her to see by explaining what she was doing by asking her how she would feel if I told a transwomen that she couldn’t call what she had after surgery her pussy because it was not genetically the same as a bio-women’s. And heres the shocker she said that it wasn’t and that it was just tissue shaped in the form of one. This from a transwomen that loves her cock and id’s with it which is maybe why she is not understanding and clueless. I just feel hurt and shocked at the same time because straight people wouldn’t treat me this way so why would someone in my community do so. I wrote her a e-mail yesterday night before going to bed trying to explain how she made me feel and I hope she reads it soon. I just still can’t believe it all.

New and exciteing things

So I took a shower at night last night and was a wake enough to take in some changes that where happening to my body. So it turns out that this boy is getting the start of a little happy trail going down his chest and belly. I just really hope that i don't end up being one of those guys that end up with lots of hair all over them. I wish there was some way to know. Happy trails are hot but hair man no no no no no. I would end up being one of those guys that spend a lot of time getting rid of all there hair.
As well i'm getting some wicket dicklet growth comeing in. I'm about 2 cm now and getting a little bit of grith and well he's getting a cute little head.

O man and am i horny i mean horny.

One T shot at a time

I have been on T just over 3 months now and I’m finding that I’m living my life one T shot at a time. People always say you have to take life one day at a time so maybe it’s my way of holding on to my dream of my body and voice making sense. Like so many I have only been able to look at myself in the bathroom with out crying for a year now. I can see a boy more and more everyday and with that a part of me heals and I let go of pain I stored deeply away so I didn’t have to feel it. And when I let go of that pain I learn more about myself. So what I see now has a list of things that I can be proud of. I am starting to like my jaw line. I have always had a more male looking jaw line but I had fem fat over it hiding it and that seems to be moving off into my gut which is kinda like the land where all the lost shocks go but in my case body fat lol I like my shoulders. When I get that really great blind going the way my shoulders look in a good dress shirt makes me feel like a man and not just a boy and a dam cute one at that. I like that my hips seem to be looking smaller. Partly because I naturally have smaller hips and because of fat moveing around. I wear low rise jeans now and somehow I manage to look like I’m really well hang sometimes which makes me feel so sexy. I like it when gay boys notice it and want me. Somehow my self wroth goes way up now when cute gay men want me and see me as a boy. I want them to want me just because it makes me feel more inside myself I’m seen as a boy and a cute one at that. I’m still experiencing a lot of pain when having to talk on the phone. I hate talking on the phone when it’s someone that doesn’t know me and can’t see the boy through the voice. Each time someone calls me miss or something like that on the phone I want to hit something. There is this pain that over takes me that wants to scream out. Wants to make them feel my pain. Wants to yell out I’m a boy fucking look at me I’m a boy and I have never been anything else. I think this comes from growing up and not really understanding what was going on and why they where trying to put me in dresses and not the other boys. It felt like some horrible april fools joke that just wouldn’t stop no matter how much I was crying inside. And like I was when I was little I get shocked when I’m treated any way but a boy and even tho I remember why they treat me that way the boy in me can’t understand why and gets angry every time. My voice should start breaking soon and I will be able to let go of my fear of phones once I get a voice that makes sense.